i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
