I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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