I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
