Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
