at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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