Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
