my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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