i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
