walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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