I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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