She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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