can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
