I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
