I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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