1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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