Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
