Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
