The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
