That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
