Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
