Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
