does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Come on in and take your pants off
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