Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
