Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
