i just wanna soil my oats bro
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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