hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
