Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
