When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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