I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
