Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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