I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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