dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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