I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
