Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
