you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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