i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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