Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
