found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
