Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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