I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
