K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm gonna have a badass scar
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
