I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
