I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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