I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
