Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
