my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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