this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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