Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
