remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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