So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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