I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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