need another drink. this is the easiest way
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Operation Purity has been aborted
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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