Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
