How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
