mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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