Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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