sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
