My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
