Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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