isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
