I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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