Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
