____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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