Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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