You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
