My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize