Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He has the fingertips of a God
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