i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
