my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm both gender and math confused
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
